Friday, November 30, 2012

Moon Stream's new look

3rd post of the day XD

It's Moon Stream's new look!

My reaction when seeing the picture...


Seriously...with mouth open widely. 

They look stunning and dazzling!! 
Though I think they are switching their style. 
Sacchan becomes manly while Tomo becomes girly XD 

But, I like it! 
Hope they would release a song or a single or directly an album. 
I guess Moon Stream is a joint work only for live show event? 
Please enlighten me about this, Sacchan? :D 

Also, there's a review of someone that has gone to one of their show in LA. 
She's so lucky~~ and her sister too! Being patted by Sacchan!! He is really an angel! 
Sacchan, Tomo, Moon Stream, are really and indeed nice person. No faking! They are really kind from the heart! 

umi-nii's style for Gloster

This is umi-nii's style for the up coming mini album, Gloster.
Isn't he looking cool (and scary)?



It's kinda too late to post it here.
I already post it on my another world though (XP)

So, I finally can have a dream with umi-nii in it.
It happened after I've sorted some of his single pictures into one folder.

I don't quite remember the story of the dream.
All I can remember was umi-nii and I were sitting together on the floor.
He holds his two legs, wearing his usual knitted hat, jacket, looking at me and...


*dropped dead*

umi-nii smiles in my dream!!!!

Yeah, I know it's only a dream.
But after all this time, I finally have a dream about him!

Maybe I was also influenced by Tohya's blog post on November 23rd.
The question was still open, who's the guy in the picture?
Is it umi-nii or one of Dauto's member?

I was feeling sure it's umi-nii.
Waiting for Tohya to make a revealing post.


I'm happy with the short dream!!!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Smiley Skeleton

This morning I woke up late. I oversleep for one hour!
And when I took quick bath, I remember my dream last night.
I was dreaming about...Kirito, Angelo no vocal.
Can't I have another scary looking guy (umi-nii) inside my dream? XD


I was in some kind of music J-Rock Evolution.
I was standing in line.
There were four lines. One line for one band.
I was in VAMPS line with Ni-chan.
I looked at the line beside me. It was empty. The line was for Angelo.
So I decide to move to that line (leaving Ni-chan on VAMP'S line XD)
I remember I forget to bring Angelo's album.
But then somehow I manage to get it to the show.

I exchange my ticket and hurried to my seat.
I keep saying, "Kirito~~ Kirito~~ Kirito~~". Followed by a girl sitting next to me. She has a short boyish hair and looked excited.

The show started and Angelo performed MOMENT.

After the show, I went back and accidentally caught up Kirito who's disguising as a... parking attendant! (XDDD)
He's doing foolish act to hide his identity. He tries to hide behind the bushes. But I knew it's him (XDD)

Me: Can I have your autograph? I know it's you *looking for the CD's booklet and a board-maker*
Kirito (wearing a black hat): Where do you want me to sign it? *looking for his board-maker*
Me: Here on your picture *flipping the booklet's pages*
Kirito: On the picture? *waiting*
Me: I know there's your picture...where is it...there's that goofy picture instead... *keep looking for Kirito's single picture* 


Sister-in-law: *calling my name from downstairs* 
Me: I'M LATE!!!!!!

end of the dream.

I guess I'm badly wanting for MOMENT to be include in Angelo's newest album RETINA. That's why I'm having the dream (X3). But at least I get him to be smiling and doing so sweet inside the dream (X3)

Tuesday, November 27, 2012


Many things happen lately.
I'd like to write it down but don't know from where to begin. be honest...I don't want to remember it again.
It's a tough days. And it isn't stopping there.
There are still tough days to face ahead.

What I should call it?


All I know that my life won't ever be the same again.
I can't have the life only for and about me.
Am I being selfish?

I think not.

I know and realize my responsibilities though I don't want to have it.
Different with that person who's selfishly saying that what ever happen, life must go on. She meant her life of course.

I'm tired of arguing.
She can do whatever she likes as long as it don't trouble me.

I hope after this and on, I can post happier things.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Wherever you are

I know...I bless I am to have beautiful and kind friends.
Thank you all for comforting my heart.
I'm so bless and grateful to have each and every one of you.
You are my precious treasure.
My angels.

Wherever you are, you always make me smile.
Wherever you are, you always by my side.
Wherever you are, you never make me cry
Wherever you are, you never say goodbye
Whatever you say, you're always on mind.

Someone I can love from my heart. 
Someone I love from my heart.
In the center of my love, you, my heart, are there. 

Thank you so much my friends.
I love you. Always. Forever.

*Lyrics is from Wherever You Are - ONE OK ROCK. Hope Taka-san won't mind I've changed the words a bit (^^)

Tuesday, November 13, 2012


Finally! It arrives! ^O^

Details later~~

When I'm obsessed, I can be VERY obsessed!!

But, after this everything will be back to the promise. I promise!!

Friday, November 09, 2012


"This is my own pain. I won't share it with anyone."

I put the above line as one dialogue inside the story I've wrote. 
I intend to make it to sounds cool. It comes out from someone that have been badly hurt by his surroundings and refused to get help. Because he's been too long being alone with the pain, suffering, and betrayal. 

The character was quite strong, though he acted cold to people around him, but he has some people that really care for him. It's because he's been too long with the suffering that he can't easily trusted people.  

Anyway, when I put the same line into my own becomes pathetic.  

The words describe how I pretty much alone, with many things, many problems, pain, and tears. 
Sometimes I'm thinking of giving up. I feel so tired. I've been listening to people, but who would do the same for me? 

Not that I'm complaining, since I do rarely talked about my problems with anyone. Long time ago a friend has betray me, by telling my story to other people. Since then I kept my mouth closely tight. Even my own family doesn't know what I've been facing either feeling. 

One friend once said, "It's lucky to be you. You seem don't have any problem." 

That's because I don't go around telling about my problems. 

Once I tried to talk with sister. I was really feeling down. I need help. I need someone to comfort me, telling that I can make it and everything will be okay. But, she doesn't want to listen. She ignored me. Later on she said she's sorry because she's confused to give advice since she wasn't sure it will do me a favor. If that so, at least she can shown better attitude than pretending to fall asleep. I was hurt with her attitude. She always talked to me about everything, even when I showed that I'm not interested, she just keep talking. I never share anything again with her. 

Then lately I was really really tired, mostly with works. I haven't get proper rest. I was still working when I reached home, I was still working on weekend, even I dream about my work! >.< 

Back pain, head ache, ears ache, neck pain...I've suffered it all. 

As if it isn't enough, trouble happened at home. Sister get a fight with 3rd brother, and she asked me to be her message board to him. 


"He listens to you. While with me, he'll just get tempered"


I'm the one who should be careless, then why I have to be the one that cares the most? 

One night...after I finished doing Isya prayer...I sat down and dropped a tear. I almost cried. This Polar Bear really still have a heart. I felt a bit better after it. I was still feeling restless and don't know what to do with all of my problems, but at least I don't have the thinking to stop everything any longer. At least not for now. 

As time goes by, I started to accept the pain, the problems, the loneliness, all just by myself. I know there will be times when I will have the feeling to end it all again. I hope that time I will still able to get through it. 

"Living alone isn't as bad as feeling alone" <-- div="div" my="my" nbsp="nbsp" new="new" quote.="quote.">

- KiRaidesu - 

p.s. alo[n]e is the title of one of #vistlip's songs. 

Sunday, November 04, 2012

Polar Bear's Heart

I thought the hatred has rotten deep. It hasn't.
Especially when I see her helpless.

A friend who said she hates her father and wanted to kill him.
A friends who said she hates her parents and wanted to abandon them.

Will they still feel the same when the father, the parents are being helpless.

I guess not.
Maybe they won't change the feeling because the damage they have suffer was too big.
I realize I didn't suffer that bad.

This Polar Bear heart has been touched. A little.

Friday, November 02, 2012

Picture of the day: milk&macaron

Another of my childish taste of art.
The title is milk&macaron.
I took the title from one of vistlip's song in Order Made album.
Well the drawing is made based on the feeling when I listen to the song.

Every time I listen to "milk&macaron", I always seeing the image of a couple walking hand in hand under the falling snow on Christmas's eve. The girl smiles happily while the man smiling shyly. They walk together among crowd of people. with shining lights from buildings around them. Sweet and warm.

But, how come the drawing I've made is very different from that image?

My drawing feels if the couple are running away from something..or they are just having a fight  (look at how the man in red pulling the hand of the girl's in blue). So very different with the sweet and warm image I've get from the song. (orz).

And I realize it now...just like I love to see people's back...I also love to draw people from the back. It's easier (XP). 

- KiRaidesu - 


Thursday, November 01, 2012

Me vs Headphones

Several weeks ago, I felt terrible aching on both ears. It happens every time I use headphones/earphones. I thought it's because the headphone's sponges are starting to get thin. My choices were buying a new headphones or change the sponges.

I've done both but the aching still happen. It even get worst.
I started to feel burn inside both ears.
And the pain get worst when I use headphones. I get bad head ache.
I know something is wrong with my ears.
I decided to see the doctor with having worries I can't use headphones any longer.

I went to the doctor. He asked the symptoms.

"I feel my ears are aching, as if it's fill with something and also it feels burning"

The doctor checked my ears with some kind of device. It felt hurt when he puts it in.

"It's fine. Nothing wrong." 

The doctor wrote medicine description.

"So, what's wrong with me?"
"Nothing. You're fine. Just don't clean it too often"

What...? That's the same thing he told me at the last time we met, and that was three years ago!! Is the doctor really serious with his words??

He gave me medicine and an ear lotion.

"Come back if you still feel the pain, and don't when you don't feel it," 

Are you kidding me, doc? Of course I will come back if I still feel the pain, but not to you! I will look for more capable doctor!

I didn't told the doctor that I've been using headphones for almost 24/7. I use it everywhere I go: to office, while on the street, on the bus, on the public car, at home, even while I wash dishes (XD). It's because I don't like to listen to people's dirty words. I often said that I'd rather hurt my ears with listening to music than to hear the dirty words...

Well, maybe it's also my fault for not telling the whole thing of what causing the ache. I was afraid I would might be forbidden to use headphones. Maybe that's why the doctor can't have full diagnose of my pain...

Even so, I decided to won't use headphones for a while. I took the medicine and the ear's lotion. But it doesn't get better...
It's almost two weeks I haven't use headphones, and every time I'm thinking to use it to listen to music, my ears start to get ache. Even when I heard the word of "music", the ache quickly come! What the hell happen with my ears??

Now, I feel scared to use headphones...I'm scared of the really hurts...
But the best way to listen to music is by headphones.
How can I fully enjoy music when I feel afraid using headphones...

I surely need to see another doctor and this time told the whole cause...
I just hope the result won't be a forbidden for me to use headphones...
I hope so...

- KiRaidesu -