I was feeling empty through out this week. I felt that my heart have lost something. But, I also don't know what was I've lost. I know the reason what made me feel like that, though. It has been a stressed week for me! >.< And it will be still sressed for weeks to come. I won't feel relief before we have the Grand Meeting, which would might depend my steps in the future. Kowai ne~~~ Yeah, it's throbbing and that's why I have the empty feeling.
And when I was feeling like that, I put on SINDRA by vistlip. And guess what? I felt that I wanted to cry! Seriously, I was inside the bus and my eyes were starting to get teary as the song played. I quickly said to myself, "What the fudge?!!". The song has really struck my feeling. I know the meaning of the song, it's about the band that has decide to walk again. The song is their first step of returning and continue to pursuit their dreams.
With the song, they are saying that they've walk again while I was thinking the opposite way. I was thinking to stop walking. I was feeling tired and need to go somewhere to ease my mind aka running away. That's why I almost cried when I heard the song. Because I was feeling guilty, lame, confused, scared, worried, chicken, and losing confidence with myself. I don't know what to do. I was feeling alone. I was feeling embarassed with myself that had the thinking of running away from life, even to stopped walking. I felt embarassed... How could I stop when they are start to walking?
In the end, I didn't cried, not even single of tears, even when I reached home (usually I will burried myself under the pillow and cried ^^;).
I stiil have all those feeling though. But, also a bit calm. I realize that there's no point to keep worrying. I just have to face whatever happen. I try to see the positive from all of it and do the best that I can. Hopefully Allah will bless my way :)
Many thanks vistlip! If isn't for the song, SINDRA. I might be really stop walking. Love you guys more and more!