My friend, Myu, has broken up with her boyfriend. She said that the lost was quite the same when she also lost "a friend". That friend is also my friend, and I also lost her.
It was truly my mistake. I've apologize but things doesn't get better. I don't know what to do.
Someone told me to just stop it and move on. I've done that now. But, I try to keep in touch by sending occasional greetings. I know it won't change anything, I also don't hope for anything. I just want to show that I do still care, and that someday hopefully I will be forgiven.
Since that day, I'm living with fear of having friends. I'm afraid that I would hurt and lost them. I'm afraid I would done something wrong. I never intent to do it, maybe I was over my limit, but believe me that I never intent to do it.
Now, I act very carefully with my friends. I realize that I might have hide my true self and much more pretending. It's for keeping the relationship. But, not all the time I'm doing it. I do like my friends. I really do. Hopefully what I'm doing doesn't lead me to the same end. Even, I don't want it to end. I don't want this special feeling of having friends to become end.