Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Fear of Lost

My friend, Myu, has broken up with her boyfriend. She said that the lost was quite the same when she also lost "a friend". That friend is also my friend, and I also lost her.

It was truly my mistake. I've apologize but things doesn't get better. I don't know what to do.
Someone told me to just stop it and move on. I've done that now. But, I try to keep in touch by sending occasional greetings. I know it won't change anything, I also don't hope for anything. I just want to show that I do still care, and that someday hopefully I will be forgiven.

Since that day, I'm living with fear of having friends. I'm afraid that I would hurt and lost them. I'm afraid I would done something wrong. I never intent to do it, maybe I was over my limit, but believe me that I never intent to do it.

Now, I act very carefully with my friends. I realize that I might have hide my true self and much more pretending. It's for keeping the relationship. But, not all the time I'm doing it. I do like my friends. I really do. Hopefully what I'm doing doesn't lead me to the same end. Even, I don't want it to end. I don't want this special feeling of having friends to become end.

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