Saturday, January 29, 2011

Happy Birthday hyde-sama

Happy birthday hyde-sama!
Thanks for everything you give: happiness, joy, and smile. 
Surely, among the stars on the sky, you are the brightest one.
My one and only wish that you will always shine forever more
Happy birthday! And may God always bless you!


Saturday, January 22, 2011

The Fear of Lost

My friend, Myu, has broken up with her boyfriend. She said that the lost was quite the same when she also lost "a friend". That friend is also my friend, and I also lost her.

It was truly my mistake. I've apologize but things doesn't get better. I don't know what to do.
Someone told me to just stop it and move on. I've done that now. But, I try to keep in touch by sending occasional greetings. I know it won't change anything, I also don't hope for anything. I just want to show that I do still care, and that someday hopefully I will be forgiven.

Since that day, I'm living with fear of having friends. I'm afraid that I would hurt and lost them. I'm afraid I would done something wrong. I never intent to do it, maybe I was over my limit, but believe me that I never intent to do it.

Now, I act very carefully with my friends. I realize that I might have hide my true self and much more pretending. It's for keeping the relationship. But, not all the time I'm doing it. I do like my friends. I really do. Hopefully what I'm doing doesn't lead me to the same end. Even, I don't want it to end. I don't want this special feeling of having friends to become end.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Thank You

Thank you.

It's the words I can say to you who have give me the happiness. I want to say more. I want to say how I love you so much, how I cherish you so badly, how you're so precious to me. But, I guess you have know it since I keep saying it to you ^^;

Maybe you don't realize how happy I am. Maybe you don't know how grateful I am to have you around. I can't have you for real, but still I'm happy just to know you are around. I'm happy to know that when I look around, I might see you.

I'm so happy and grateful that I'm loving you. You never disappoint me a bit. You always surprised me. Your act sometimes beyond my imagination, but mostly you're beyond my expectation. You are the greatest thing in my whole life. This feeling, this love is the greatest one I have ever had. I'm loving you now and forever. I'm loving you everyday with a brand new love. 

Thank you. Thank you for being there so I can love you. I will always love you. I will always support you. I will have my eyes only to see you. Thank you. Thank you so much!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Writing for chapter 2

Feuh...finally I can be relief. I think so :D

For the last few days, after new year for precisely, I was feeling bothered.
Why? of course because of Kimi.
Rumors has spread that Kimi will be retired from racing world after the sudden death of his father.
I instantly feel surprised. It's quite the same feeling when I know about the death of his father.
Then, I was feeling sad to think that I won't be able to see him again.
It's quite hard to follow him at WRC, since the local televisions and papers rarely cover the sport.
But, I can keep hold on as long as he's still driving. I'll find a way to follow him.
So, how can I follow him when I can't found him? The thought really make me stressed. People may said I was overreacting. I don't care. That's because I'm loving him so much, that his presence become so important for me.

Sunday, January 09, 2011

Anata ga iru kara

The accident Riki had at his childhood caused him long time illness. The love and attention showered over by his loves ones had make Riki grows doubtness toward them. He kept the feeling alone which make his illness become worst. He doesn't trust the kind will and hate himself for having such feeling. Through times in facing his thinking, the families feeling over each other had also grown. They rediscover their own feeling and the feeling of their beloved ones. Riki then had to face his feeling when he meets Michiru who give him something he has longed to have, something that make him even drown into his doubt and finally choose hiw own way to end it.

"Anata ga iru kara" is a story of how people look over themselves and their loves ones. The stories lead to one thing, the meaning of someone existence. "Anata ga iru kara" literally mean because you are here. 

P.S. "Anata ga iru kara" is my first finished long writings. No, I haven't send it to any publishers. I want to but still haven't find the damn courage :D The reason is because I wrote this for my own convenience :) This story was also a long promised to someone that I owe him big time. I've promise I would finish the complete story and finally can finish it in 2009. I'm quite satisfied with what I've done to the story, and hopefully he'd feel the same :) The title and the inspiration for the story was come from the song "Anata" by L'Arc~en~Ciel. That's why this story is very special for me. It's my favorite story, based on my most favorite song, and come from my favorite band <3

~KiRaidesu Production~ 

Saturday, January 08, 2011

The reason

Finally I know the reason
Why I was looking calm?
Why I seem doesn't too much bother?
Why I seem to be giving up?

It's because he's the one who'd make the decision.

I can't scold him.
I can't be angry to him.
I can't feel upset.
I can only feel sad without no further action.

It's because he'd decide it.

That's why I can't do anything.
I can't deliver this feeling to anyone else.

He's the one who'd choose. 

And he's the reason I can't ever denied.

Friday, January 07, 2011

The end of the chapter?

What if he really hangs out his gloves?

I haven't thought about it now since it's only a rumor.
One year ago, with the same kind of news, I've been like a crazy person who gets panic without a cause.
I get annoyed.

Why do I look calm now? 
Why do I seem doesn't care?
Have I give up?

The answer is NO. 

I'm not calm.
I do care. 
I haven't give up.
It's just...I'm confused to face the reality that might be coming soon.

If he really retired...I don't know what would I become. 
Again, I don't think it would end so soon.
I thought he would stay a bit longer, write few chapters more.
I know it's only a rumor...and I really hope it stays that way.

I don't know what to do...if only I can be at his side, I won't be like this now.
If only this hope and wishes could become true.
If only I can have him.
If only...that's all I can say. 

I don't want this chapter to end...I want the story keep continues...

Monday, January 03, 2011

At the end of the beginning

2010 has passed and now come 2011....

Recap about 2010...was not the best year for me. I've screwed it: troubles at work and in relationship with friends. Sadly, it was the two resolutions I've made at the start of 2010.

At the end of the year, I get sad news about Kimi's father death. It was quite a shocking for me. It happened just few days before Christmas. I can't imagine how sad Kimi would be... :( 

But, 2010 wasn't that bad after all. I meet new friends on the internet :) Also, I can keep hold on to my little happiness, which is music and manga. I spend quite amount of money for the two, and it's exciting me ^^ And the peak of it was the return of my number one band, L'Arc~en~Ciel at the end of the year. Finally they've come back from their 3 years hiatus. I hope they would release new album soon! And also I keep praying they would have a concert in Indonesia :) 

As for 2011...I've learn my lesson from previous year...that is not to make any resolutions! XD I would not keep it and would end by hating myself again. I would just do what I usually do. Hopefully everything will go better as time goes by :) 

Sate...happy new year all~~~ Happy new year to my friends and my precious ones. My best wishes are always with you! For all of you to have a great and blessing year! 

~ KiRai ~